Wormz Diet

2 ALL TEH HATERS OUT THERE:
Okay, so here's how my fucking diet works:
B-Fast: 350-400 calories.
Lunch: 400-450 calories
Dinner: 600-600 WHOLE GOD DAMNED CALORIES!!!
Night-time Pre-touching Snack: 400-450 calories

THIS SHIT IS FUCKING KEWL AS SHIT, AND HERE'S WHY: I LOSE 3 POUNDS A WEEK EVEN IF I FUCKING SIT ON MY ASS ALL DAY WATCHING BE KIND, REWIND AND ABSENTLY BUTT-LOTIONING.
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS IN PRACTICE:
Let's say I get home. I've been ripping spliffs and sucking clits all god damned day. I'm lean, mean, and ready for some crunch some oats. Here's what I make:
1.5 cups of some bullshit off-brand crunchy raisin bran: 285 calories
1 cup 2% milk: 130 calories
Shitty little handful of blueberries: 10 calories, maybe.
TOTAL: 425 calories!!!!


DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING DANK THAT SHIT WAS! I CAN COUNT TWO TIMES IN MY ENTIRE LIFE WHEN I'VE USED THE WORD "DANK" IN AN UNIRONIC FASHION, BUT THIS SHIT WAS SO TOTALLY FUCKING DANK I HAD TO GO AHEAD AND WHISPER TO MYSELF "FUCK THIS IS DANK."


PS DOES ANYBODY IN THE "BLAWGOSPHERE" KNOW ANY ILL/VAG-THEMED CALORIES COUNTING SOFTWARE OR WEBSITES?